Yes Day

 May 4,2024 we did our first YesDay!

A YES day is a day when parents can’t say no to what kids want. Like every game, yes day has some rules, such as set distance for location, set time, nothing illegal, unsafe or dangerous , nothing that results in permanent results (such as tatoo, puppy, etc.) and a set budget. 

Our Yes Day was from 10 am to 10 pm within 30 miles radius with $100/child budget.

We ate donuts for breakfast, went to extreme crazy to play laser tag, went to the arcade, the airpark bouncy, played with the go kart in the yard, played on the computer some FC mobile, and went to IHOP for dinner!! We even hit the jackpot at the arcade and walked away with a gigantic fish tank tube lamp for 10,000 points. No one ever got it before:) 

It was a fantastic day! For me it was actually relaxing in the sense that for once I didn’t have to plan. It is tremendous amount of time to plan things for the family every weekend, making sure everyone is happy, we get things done, we have tickets when we needed, the plan fits tue weather etc. this day might have been physically tiring but I didn’t have to think at all! You guys were both loving every second of it!! Oliver ate a bit too much sugar and got sick in IHOP but small price to pay for so much fun!! 

We will do it again:)

-mommy

Mother’s day

 Mother’s Day is a made up holiday I know. It is not a reflection of a mother child relationship and it has been greatly commercialized putting way more pressure on everyone than necessary. Yet, I like all holidays. Made up or not, it serves as an island when we can express our appreciation for one another. A day when we can communicate “we see each other”. 

I hope when you guys grow up and have your family, you will teach your kids the importance or at least the blessing in these holidays. It’s not everything and it’s not meant to serve as the only time you celebrate each other- but it is an opportunity to be grateful. Please teach your kids to celebrate their mom. Motherhood is the best thing that has ever happened to me and it’s also the hardest. I don’t know what I’m doing and I know I’m making mistakes every day, but I’ve never tried my best so hard, and I’ve never been so committed to something as I am to be your mommy. I love every second of it while I live in constant fear and worry:) please spend every Mother’s Day with me in my life. All I want is to be with you both. 

I love you forever !

-mommy 

Wisdom by sir Anthony Hopkins

 A good read… BRUTAL words from actor ANTHONY HOPKINS 💙💙💙

Let go of the people who are not ready to love you.

It is the hardest thing you'll have to do in your life and it will be the most important thing.

Stop having difficult conversations with people who don't want to change.

Stop showing up for people who aren't interested in your presence.

I know your instinct is to do whatever it takes to gain the appreciation of the people around you, but it's an impulse that robs your time, energy, mental and physical health.

When you start fighting for a life of joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be willing to follow you there.

It doesn't mean you have to change who you are, it means you have to let go of people who are not ready to be with you.

If you are excluded, offended, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you are not doing yourself a favor by continuing to offer them your energy and life.

Truth is, you ain't for everyone and not everyone is for you.

This is what makes it so special about meeting people you have friendship or love with.

You will know the value of it because you have experienced what it isn't.

There are billions of people on this planet and many of them will find them on your level of interest and commitment.

If you stop showing up, maybe they won't look for you.

When you stop trying, the relationship ends.

If you stop texting, your phone might stay dark for weeks.

It doesn't mean you ruined the relationship, it's just that the only thing that kept it going was the energy you only gave to keep it.

This is not love, this is connection.

It's giving a chance to those who didn't deserve it!

You deserve much more.

The most valuable thing you own in your life is your time and energy because both are limited.

The people and things you give your time and energy to will define your existence.

When you realize this, you start to understand why you are so anxious about spending time with people, activities, or spaces that don't suit you or shouldn't be around you.

You will start to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else.

Make your life a safe haven where only people who are "compatible" with you are allowed.

You're not responsible for saving someone.

It’s not your responsibility to convince them to do better.

It’s not your job to exist for people and give them your life!

You deserve real friendships, real commitment and a full love with healthy wealthy people.

Choosing to distance yourself from toxic people will give you the love, appreciation, happiness and protection you deserve. Copied from the internet. 💙💙💙

It's been a while and we lost our way

 I know it's been a long time without writing. A year and a half. It has been a difficult time for many reasons and I don't think I am ready to dive into details. Not sure , I ever will be. We have gone through losing Abu due to a horrid illness that took his life way before he actually passed away. The treatment, the fatigue, the illness consumed him in every way for years; especially for the last year of his life. It was more than taxing on him and everyone else in the family. Ruben has become a different person and while we all try to support him, we are also a little lost. 

Our relationship once again crumbled under pressure and while we are actively seeking help and we both seem to want to make things better - the progress is slow...if any. Hope isn't gone but it's hanging by a thread. We lost our way and I question if we ever had it. It's a daunting and heavy  weight to carry around.

The kids are growing so fast in the meantime. I don't mean height wise. Just as people. They are growing and developing and while I try to hold on and witness it all - I fear that I am missing so much as so much energy is going to trying to save our little family. I hope 2024 will bring a positive change. I hope I can let go of some of the stress and try to enjoy the present more. I must keep trying.

Family is everything. 

Mommy

First Day of First Grade - Noah

09.06.2022

My Dearest Noah,

Here we are - 1st grade!!! You are growing up too fast and it makes my heart churn. I love watching you grow but it makes me sad how fast time flies. I want to hold onto every moment - every day a little longer. You are growing up. Your face is losing the baby like features and you are starting to resemble a young man. I am not ready! Stop the clock!

You have come a long way this past summer. We weaned you off of a dozen medications, you started to eat (even more than Ollie) and you are growing my love. You are getting stronger EVERY DAY. You have lost 3 teeth as well. It's like everything in your body is catching up and getting so strong!

I love you with all my heart. I know you know that. I know you feel that. Have the time of your life every day. Enjoy learning but most of all sweetheart - HAVE FUN! MAKE FRIENDS! Nothing else matters at this stage of your life. Do NOT worry. Relax and enjoy the ride. Keep smiling! Be kind to others - including yourself. Don't be hard on yourself - you got this. Remember, perfection is in the imperfections. Life is beautiful because it isn't perfect. People are special because they aren't perfect. Give yourself a break sometimes - and just enjoy the little things. you will soar to amazing heights and everything that happens will take you exactly where you need to be. Don't try to control where life takes you - it has a plan just for you and it has a place just for you. 

Enjoy 1st Grade - can't wait to hear about everything every day:)

Love, 

- Mommy

First Day of Kindergarten - Ollie

09.06.2022

My Dearest Ollie,

Here we are - the long awaited day: THE FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN. 

It feels like a big chapter has closed, almost an era. We said good bye to Mansfield Children's Center (MCC) last Friday and I am not going to lie - it was emotional. We LOVE that place. It has become a part of our home and family and it is bittersweet to move on. It's exciting to embark on the new journey and watch you guys grown but it is sad to leave the "baby" chapter behind. 

In any case, you are ready! You are excited. So much so, that when they sent us home today because it was too early to go in - you cried and refused to buckle in the car. I don't know if you are just excited to meet new people, or excited to go where Noah is going, or both, but you are so happy. 

It is a yucky day - pouring cats and dogs since yesterday but nothing can fade your emotions:) 

I hope you have a blast. I hope you fall in love with learning. I hope you make many friends - or even just one. I hope you lie your teacher. I hope school is everything you expect and more. I hope you will come home as happy as you go in. 

You are an amazing human being. You are loved. You are funny, kind hearted and adventurous (sometimes too much). You are determined, witty, clever and most of all you got the secret ingredient: gumption! Never cease to smile my little one - you bring light to this world and everyone around you. 

Shine like a bright star along the way - and enjoy every second. 

Love

-Mommy

We did it!

My Dearest Noah, 

I was waiting for this for so long! Ever since we found out about your adrenal insufficiency 2 days before Christmas I have been leaving in fear. We have been living in fear. My mind was going crazy wondering if we should have noticed things sooner, if we have missed something. etc and mostly, I have been so worried about anything happening to you. I breathe for you my dear Noah. I cannot stand the thought of ANYTHING happening to you. 

It's been 4 months and the doctor has been telling us that even though they suspect secondary (central) adrenal insufficiency caused by your asthma inhalers, the likelihood of reversing it is questioned and takes between 6 months to 3 years. Nothing but time can tell if it's secondary which makes me sick to my stomach, what if it's not, what it's something worse, what if time works against us. 

I have been determined and persistent for years now trying to find  out why are you not feeling well all the time. You haven't grown for 3 years in heights and you are now at 4% on the growth curve. You don't eat. You have constant stomach pain (my heart breaks for you - it's been so many I think you are terrified of any pain). And now you are at high risk for severe outcomes for anything. What is going on - I asked myself countless times. 

Long story short, I never gave up. I went doctor to doctor, I learned everything I could learn about all your diagnoses and symptoms, I kept a daily diary on all of you symptoms and in my gut I knew I can't give up. 

In a way finding out this scary disease put my mind at ease - because it took two years to even find an answer. Now it's dealing with the answer that is hard. But my darling Noah - we were adamant with Daddy to run your blood test for a morning cortisol even though the doctor said no way it's reversed yet. We wanted to know if we are even going in the right direction by reducing your asthma medicine. And a miracle happened! You passed! You needed a minimum of 10 and you had 13.4! I couldn't believe my eyes! It's a miracle. I very well deserved and much needed miracle my love. 

I am still worried - I think I will need a long time before I am not but I am so relieved and so happy for you. We did it! You have been a trooper. You have gone through so many doctors poking you and you were so brave! You were so scared so many times but you trusted us and you did what we asked. You are so aware of your body and mind - it is truly amazing. I wish you didn't have to be brave. I wish you never had any issues so we didn't have to get so numb to the poking but nevertheless we did it. And I fell like we did it as a team! I am so so proud of you! And I love you to the moon back a thousand times. 

-Mommy