To My Baby...My First Thoughts

To My Baby...My First Thoughts

It's only been two weeks since I learned about you. You are barely more than the size of a lentil, earning you the name your father is so proudly using: "Kicsi Lencse". It has not been an easy couple of weeks as I'm struggling through constant morning sickness and exhaustion - a lousy, achy, nauseous feeling - I've never experienced before. Your father has been wonderful taking care of me, or I should say taking care of "Us" which just tells me that he will be a wonderful Daddy to you. Of course, like every other child that has ever met him, you are going to think he is the coolest. And he probably is:)

I have a hard time feeling so sick nonstop. No one ever told me that morning sickness isn't just in the morning. They really need to find a different name for it, unless it's an intentional mislead of anxious "wanna be moms". I am well aware that every pregnancy is different, but I still would have preferred a heads up. Everything I've read tells me that none of what I feel is uncommon or unusual as my body is making your little nest for the next 8 months. But it's not easy.

I have been going to work every day pretending that everything is normal, while I can barely drag myself through my three and a half hour commute each day, let alone trying to focus on work while feeling like I'm going to pass out. My entire body and head feels like a truck run over me and I could fall asleep any minute even while I'm standing.

Nobody knows about you yet except your Daddy and now my parents (your grandparents), which I have to say have been incredibly difficult. We have been waiting for you for a long time and we want to make sure that you don't change your mind before we tell the world. You won't change your mind, right? 

Waiting for your arrival is incredible and scary at the same time. You will change every aspect of our lives, and we have no idea what to expect. At the same time, you are already part of us and our lives in a way that is hard to describe. You determine what I eat and drink, when I sleep, how I feel, everything. I wish I could see your tiny face already. I wish I could feel your little fingers wrap around mine, so that I knew you were real. Don't get me wrong, the constant sickness is definitely confirming that you are real, but it's different.

I've decided to write about you and I as we go through this journey together. I hope you don't mind. Most likely I will also post tons of pictures of you when you arrive; while I know that there will be a day when you will demand your privacy and will want to post your own stuff online - as your Daddy says it "on the line". And that's okay, as long as you let me be your online "friend".

We will go to the doctor tomorrow morning for check up. I will write more after...  

12/10/2014