I know it's been a long time without writing. A year and a half. It has been a difficult time for many reasons and I don't think I am ready to dive into details. Not sure , I ever will be. We have gone through losing Abu due to a horrid illness that took his life way before he actually passed away. The treatment, the fatigue, the illness consumed him in every way for years; especially for the last year of his life. It was more than taxing on him and everyone else in the family. Ruben has become a different person and while we all try to support him, we are also a little lost.
Our relationship once again crumbled under pressure and while we are actively seeking help and we both seem to want to make things better - the progress is slow...if any. Hope isn't gone but it's hanging by a thread. We lost our way and I question if we ever had it. It's a daunting and heavy weight to carry around.
The kids are growing so fast in the meantime. I don't mean height wise. Just as people. They are growing and developing and while I try to hold on and witness it all - I fear that I am missing so much as so much energy is going to trying to save our little family. I hope 2024 will bring a positive change. I hope I can let go of some of the stress and try to enjoy the present more. I must keep trying.
Family is everything.
Mommy
