We did it!

My Dearest Noah, 

I was waiting for this for so long! Ever since we found out about your adrenal insufficiency 2 days before Christmas I have been leaving in fear. We have been living in fear. My mind was going crazy wondering if we should have noticed things sooner, if we have missed something. etc and mostly, I have been so worried about anything happening to you. I breathe for you my dear Noah. I cannot stand the thought of ANYTHING happening to you. 

It's been 4 months and the doctor has been telling us that even though they suspect secondary (central) adrenal insufficiency caused by your asthma inhalers, the likelihood of reversing it is questioned and takes between 6 months to 3 years. Nothing but time can tell if it's secondary which makes me sick to my stomach, what if it's not, what it's something worse, what if time works against us. 

I have been determined and persistent for years now trying to find  out why are you not feeling well all the time. You haven't grown for 3 years in heights and you are now at 4% on the growth curve. You don't eat. You have constant stomach pain (my heart breaks for you - it's been so many I think you are terrified of any pain). And now you are at high risk for severe outcomes for anything. What is going on - I asked myself countless times. 

Long story short, I never gave up. I went doctor to doctor, I learned everything I could learn about all your diagnoses and symptoms, I kept a daily diary on all of you symptoms and in my gut I knew I can't give up. 

In a way finding out this scary disease put my mind at ease - because it took two years to even find an answer. Now it's dealing with the answer that is hard. But my darling Noah - we were adamant with Daddy to run your blood test for a morning cortisol even though the doctor said no way it's reversed yet. We wanted to know if we are even going in the right direction by reducing your asthma medicine. And a miracle happened! You passed! You needed a minimum of 10 and you had 13.4! I couldn't believe my eyes! It's a miracle. I very well deserved and much needed miracle my love. 

I am still worried - I think I will need a long time before I am not but I am so relieved and so happy for you. We did it! You have been a trooper. You have gone through so many doctors poking you and you were so brave! You were so scared so many times but you trusted us and you did what we asked. You are so aware of your body and mind - it is truly amazing. I wish you didn't have to be brave. I wish you never had any issues so we didn't have to get so numb to the poking but nevertheless we did it. And I fell like we did it as a team! I am so so proud of you! And I love you to the moon back a thousand times. 

-Mommy